Faq Part 4
FAQ for newsgroup uk.rec.sheds, version 2&2/7th 1999-11-08 (roughly)
Ride of the Shedheads Theme Tune
Part 4 of 8: Poetry, theorems, heroes
Koans: koans are very popular on some newsgroups. So far we have one:
Is a chain that has rusted to the point of
homogeneous rigidity still a "chain" ?
[Submitted by dingbat@codesmth.demon.co.uk (Andy Dingley) ]
There're some rather good haiku at, um, ah, seem to have forgotten who
it was that said they'd put them on the web. Ho hum.
But in nay case, Bob suggested an alternative peotic form, the sheddu:
Sheddu need to be based on sheddy unit like
number of firkins in wet fortnight
last line should be long as piece of string
at least one line should be
quarter-inch Whitworth
svany word should of course
be omitted
for sheddu become unsheddu if
ever actually svavfurq
ROT13 should be nccyvrq yvorenyyl.
This may even be a
We also have a proverb:
"Oh what a tangled web we weave when a nail snags the wool on
your cardigan sleave." (attributed to Jack "Yeltsin" Twelvetrees)
[Submitted by Michael.Loughlin@jet.uk (Michael Loughlin)]
Carl .LHS. Williams reckons that "If you sit in uk.rec.sheds long
enough, the world will put a mousetrap under your door,
that's what I say".
And a song (to the tune of My Favourite Things) by Adrian Waterworth,
from an idea by Gareth Evans, approved by Jeff Drabble, can be found
at http://www.man.ac.uk/~zlsiida/sheds/favsong
Ron C also penned a sheddy version of My Favourite Things which is at
http://www.man.ac.uk/~zlsiida/sheds/favor.txt
Wayne's version of Perfect Day can be found in the same directory in
the file perfect.day
"Theorems?"
The Special Theory Of Shed Space : Details how all True Sheds are linked
via a singularity in spacetime. Amongst other things, this theory
explains why you can never find that No8 masonry bit (or only when
you don't need it). I probably have the original post on the
subject around here somewhere....
Anyway, one of its important corollaries deals with that tennis
ball that's in the corner of every garage you've ever been in.
Also there's some discussion about how shedness spreads beyond the
actual shed itself - this may become a General Theory of Shed
Space, if Ed Fowler ever gets round to it.
As physicists deal with the weak and strong nuclear forces, so the
master sheddists handle the weak and strong unclear forces. A job
which is not for the faint of heart! Thanks to John Cooke for
borrowing these terms from his friend Paul Fay and for the
concepts of the knothole, the knorhole, and the knandhole.
And to RonC for warning us of the dangers of the shack hole from
which no tqt can ever escape and which may bring about the end of
Shedspace.
Some researchers are now working on a theory of the particles that
mediate the weak unclear force, the tuits. The round tuit has been
known even to the layman for some time, but there appear to be
other 'flavours':
up in right round charm jump back add go
down on left get pattern see stick take come
There may be other tuits still to be discovered, and the
interelations between them need thorough investigation, by
somebody, sometime.
Eg, the get tuit and the up tuit have been combined into a
coupling force many times in the planet's history.
Quantum shedding has arrived, and Schroedinger has no idea what
state Wayne's cat is in (though Wayne says "It'll be reet").
Bob Franklin was working on a theory that we are just a transmission
medium for a shed-to-shed language in which the words are made up of
items of tqt. Could happen.
"Heroes?"
Our patron saint is Jack Hargreaves, who used to introduce the tv show
'Out Of Town' from an amazing shed full of obscure tools which might
well come in useful one day. Somebody claimed to have posted a midi
file of the OOT theme to alt.binaries.sounds.midi but it wasn't there
when I looked, maybe it is now, or of course it may well have expired on
your news server by the time you read this.....
'Appen it's reet oop near t'top of page now. (Ed.)
A close second to sainthood is Adam Hart-Davies who is the narrator,
pink helmeted cyclist and demonstrator of that other fine TV series
"Local heroes". He once said: "There's no doubt that a barrel of
gunpowder does serious damage to a garden shed".
Sometime in August 1999 the vote was passed that he should be bestowed
with the title Sheddi Knight.
Rex Garrodd was known for his work on the Secret Life Of Machines with
Tim Hunkin. His recent appearance on Robot Wars, where he managed to
win without crunching his opponents too much and also inflicted
satisfactory amounts of damage on the house robots, has led to his being
given the entirely deserved title of Sheddi Knight.
Bob Flowerdew has a very sheddy approach to gardening and has been given
the title of Lord. One of his mentors, Trevor Bayliss (who invented the
clockwork radio) is up for a title but it's not yet finally decided.
If you want one of the saints the rest of the world knows about, then
Jill Russell reminds me that we more-or-less settled some time ago on
St.Jude: Judas Thaddaeus was one of Christ's Apostles and later became
known as St Jude. For the next eighteen centuries, however, he was
completely ignored. While other saints were invoked daily, hardly a
prayer was offered in St Jude's direction.
Frank Erskine tells us there are loads of other sheddy saints listed
at:- http://www.catholic-forum.com/saints/indexsnt.htm